i had a knowing

all this time

that what i will do

is bring out a book to tell some truths


i had a fear

all this time

that i don‘t know how to

that noone would want what i have to say

that i don‘t even know what to say

that i can‘t and won‘t and what‘s the point



everyone is writing now

bringing out a book?

wanting to be an author?

is so trending and just so cringe


i felt ashamed that i want to bring out a book

but then again

i had this knowing


so i sat down

took 20 minutes out of my day

and wrote an essay/preamble

without thinking

without even believing

that this would be any good





i was surprised

that some tears arised


i was surprised

how easy it was


so i sent it out to some friends

and they told me very lovely things


but then again

maybe they are so lovely

cause they like me


maybe they are so lovely

cause the truths were shocking

and they felt the urge to react so lovely


can you see where i‘m going with this?

how long it took to realize this?

what i was doing...

sabotaging it


i continued with things that wasn‘t that cringe

with things that felt more safe

more comfortable

because i was used to being miserable


i was so miserable overtime that i gave in

and connected to the divine

i sat there in the middle of the night

everyone was quiet


i saw colors so bright

i felt energy full of life

i grasped presence of angelique lights

and suddenly i asked

what should i do with my life?

should i write this book?


i wanted to feel cringe and ashamed

to have used this mystical moment for this

but i didn‘t had the time to feel bad or think

because the second i finished my question

my mouth was opened in milli seconds

opened wide

so wide

i think not even my dentist knew

that this is even possible


it felt like angelique force is opening my mouth to spit out a YES

more like throwing up a YES

like how much signs do you need you ‚idiot‘

to act on your beliefs?

in a very lovely aggressive way

and still i was like fxxx

is this really happening to me right now?

still open mouth

still colors all around

still thinking how can this be


what this did to me...?

hmm... maybe you would think that

now i knew

i sat down

wrote a book

bla bla bla





it took me at least another year to finally be even more miserable and sick on top of it


then weirdly i thought i got another sign

the sign of a person i knew

and is in publishing

popping up in my head

in my feed

and in my heart

i sent this essay that i had to her

and waited for her answer to appear


she said its lovely its fine

but what is the story line?

is it your story?

is it a short story?

where are you going with this?

i would like to know all this


i wanted to reply

i would like to know it as well

it was a friday

why did i put myself in this position

pitching a book to a publisher

i have no condition

no pages

no results

no book

no clue


i have 2 days till it‘s a monday

and i have to say something

to be able to answer the whole thing


i sat there sick and exhausted

with a tiny book

actually it was more like random pair of paper

on my tiny balcony

in my pyjamas

let‘s be honest

i still wasn‘t honoring me

or my intuition

at all

but hey

i grabbed pen and papers

so without that

the following wouldn‘t be happening


i told the universe

ok guys

here i am

willing to write anything

you told me i should write

now give me something

i‘m ready

here i am

if this is what you wanted me to get

take advantage out of it




nothing.. a few seconds past.. and nothing

i am a very inpatient being

i admit

then i decided to just write

just start

i‘m just gonna write what i see

in front of me

out on my tiny balcony

was a tomatoe plant

so i wrote what i saw in it

in english ?

and it rhymed?

and suddendly it was a poem

about the meaning of life?!


whaaaaaat the hellll?

but i didn‘t had time to think

and wonder and be in aww

i was busy downloading about a 100 poems in the next couple of days


a week later

i wrote a complete collection of poetry‘s

a book

i wrote

i cried

i wrote

i cried

i wrote

i laughed and cried

i couldn‘t believe what my hands were doing

that i was channeling

in english



so easy

so joyfull


by the way

on the following monday

i answered all her questions

and sent out a collection

of what i was channeling


sorry to have to say this now

but my struggles wasn‘t over now

another year past

why? you wanna ask?


because i‘m an artist

and an artist should do illustrations

for each poem

it has to be good

and cover art also

and then i have to find a publisher



i gave in

i‘m gonna be cringe

and self publish this thing

but the cover

ok - fxx the cover

i‘m gonna make sunprints

also cringe

but whatever

this thing needs to see the light of the day

it can‘t wait


i‘m just gonna use the few illustrations

i already made

sunprint cover

and 20 tiktoks to promote

and then this is out





 i hope people will get me

love me

appreciate me

i hope it helps people

but i really hope people will see me




suddendly while writing these lines

i realize


i have worth

i see me

i allow help

i allow support and love into my life

i know that this will help millions of people

i know this is what millions of people need to hear


i needed this journey

to fully welcome my healing energies

to believe in my abilities

to learn how to honor me

to give me worth and allow magic into my world

the past years

this journey

was rising up to my calling

rising up to a new awareness

healing old wounds and releasing what i built while being wounded in the old


now i am something else

someone else

i‘m becoming someone new

but the new is not quite there yet

it‘s about to

i‘m new enough to know

what i need to do

is planning a celebration

a launch

to welcome the transition

and to honor me